I’ve been working on being totally present in each moment, giving it my all. It’s not always easy, my focus strays or the unexpected things that life is so famous for, come up. The difficulty for me in being totally present in each moment isn’t that the moments are boring; because God knows they are sitcom worthy. The difficulty lies in being perceptive enough to know what should accompany us in those moments.
I’m realizing more and more that whether I want it to be there or not, there’s a double standard with Judah and Jacob. Judah needs full attention nearly 100% of the time. He hardly ever gets those multitasking moments where I’m washing dishes and meeting his needs, simply because his needs can’t be met that way.
Jacob’s typical two year old brain understands most of the time the there are things that need to be done. Most of the time multitasking, folding laundry together, is significant quality time for him. Then sometimes, it’s apparent that nothing should accompany us, not laundry, not dishes and sometimes not even trips to the park. Sometimes I just need to be right there, letting him fill the moment.So this week, I’ve been tinkering with the balancing act. Finding a new groove. That’s the thing about motherhood, you find a groove and it works for a while and then, slowly, like growing out of a comfortable pair of shoes, it doesn’t fit anymore.
As Jacob’s maturity level increases and his desire to do age appropriate activities grows past Judah’s interests, I’m learning how to let him fill our moments with those things while balancing Judah’s needs. The give and take of life, setting aside what we want for the happiness someone else, that’s the key. In this new groove, Judah is learning more independence and impulse control and Jacob is learning that he’s just as important.
And I’m taking in the beauty around me. I’m learning to stop with all the “let’s get it done” and just enjoy. I’m learning it’s just as important to devote my all to the balance act of a new groove as it is to pull my head up from the mom-duties for a minute to chat with fellow moms at the park or even take bike rides by myself.
These kids, growing up the way they do…I feel a little like a rubber band, being stretch from all angles. But I feel good. I feel somewhat accomplished and maybe even slightly successful in this new groove.