The highlight of Friday? Finding Judah munching on a raw potato. You know you have a picky eater who needs to gain weight when your first thought is “Oh! Yay!! How many calories are in that?” Then you come to your senses and wash it off before handing it back to him. (Just kidding, I took it away and gave him a fruit strip to chew on)
3:00pm: Judah is literally trotting like a horse throughout the house yelling like a banshee, just for the fun of it. I think I use that phrase a lot. “Yelling like a banshee” is really the only way to describe it though. So he’s trotting throughout the house and yelling like a banshee and I’m thinking to myself, “This is not what I thought parenting would be…this is way more hilarious!”
3:30pm: The boys go outside to play in their water table; one dressed in his zip up pajamas and the other stark naked (our yard is totally blocked from the street and neighbor’s views, so I don’t worry about peeping-toms). I stand at the patio gate in my sweat pants and Florida Gator’s t-shirt, blocking the oh-so-convenient planter filled with dirt, eating a chunk of brownie. Classy, right? I don’t mind dirt and mud, but 100% of the time it ends up in Judah’s mouth, so I block it and eat my brownie for strength.
4:00pm: I jerry-rig (that’s the saying right?) a temporary dirt blocker using the trash can and run inside to sew a little bit. I can totally see the boys just outside the window and I’m 99% sure the entire neighborhood can hear them; plus all the water in the water table is gone, so there’s no risk there.
4:18pm: I corral the boys to the door, making sure I jog in place while they take their time going inside (jogging in place eliminates brownie calories eaten earlier). Jacob refuses to put clothes on and makes frequent trips out to the flower bed to “water” the plants (aka pee on them). I block the kitchen off with chairs and a table. Dinner gets made much quicker without little hands swiping items from the counter. Plus, Judah and Jacob realized they can open the oven door, so safety first.
5:00pm sharp: They’ve trained me well. Dinner is served no later than 5pm or tantrums that rival a feral pack of two year olds are the consequence. We evaded the yelling (mine and their’s) and ate our dinner with happy faces. After dinner, I marked it on the board, this home has gone _ amount of days without dinner time tantrums. We don’t actually have a board like that, but I’ve thought about putting one on our front door so visitors know what they’re coming into.
6:45pm: I realize it’s a losing battle between Judah and I, so I block off the playroom/office as well as the kitchen. The oven door, Josh’s Xbox and our iMac were all suffering his abuse, but none more than my patience. We call it a draw and eat a snack. Jacob wants us all to do summersaults. I’m game, so we all do summersaults and I impress them by walking on my hands. And when I say I impressed them, I mean I did not impress them. Jacob says, “Yeah, but go thiiissss far” and points across the living room.
7:45pm: After we treat ourselves to a Little Einstein’s episode, which I’m 98% sure we’ve seen one million times, we start the bed time routine. Judah gets his “sleepy stuff” (a highly professional name for Melatonin) and Jacob takes his “fishy vitamins” (a highly professional name for DHEA fish oil capsules) and so begins the squirming into diapers and pajamas. I tackle Judah mid-gator roll and pin Naked-Jakey down and somehow both end up correctly diapered and tucked in. Prayers are said, kisses are given and I begin listing excuses why I shouldn’t do the dishes. Reason number one, I watched Little Einstein’s for the one millionth time today…
That’s a day in the life…well half a day in the life. The morning part of the day gets erased from my memory after nap time. It’s like my brain reboots after eight hours of being up.